Self Compassion

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The Buddha is reputed to have said is you have compassion you have all the other virtues.
We may extend compassion for others while often overlooking self-compassion. All too often we can be very hard on ourselves. We need the reminder that we too are human. We need to accept ourselves and apply self- compassion. We cannot truly have compassion for another if we cannot give it to ourselves. We cannot truly give if our own well is empty of love.
So self- acceptance, self- compassion and self- love are essentials for us.

“It’s not your job to like me, it’s mine”.
Byron Katie

Why not make 2026 the year to have more compassion for yourself.

Strutting my Stuff

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I am now on the penultimate day of my first solo art exhibition which runs from 26th Sept to 4th Oct. in a small town on the Silver Coast in Portugal. The local council invited me to exhibit . I have to say I was delighted and terrified in equal measure to accept this invitation. Having my art exhibited in a public arena was a huge step for me. It certainly creates a sense of vulnerability.
So, I asked deep within what was the purpose of having this exhibition at this time for me. The gist of the response which came to me is as follows.
I was reminded that each and every one of us are beings of light. We are meant to let our light shine and in doing so we can be a beacon for others as we walk more discovery ourselves and our potential. Over the last ten years I rekindled my interest in art which was sidelined for nearly fifty years. For me to experience and express myself through painting is important and it brings me into the present moment and joyous states. The exhibition was just an extra step – one where I share this with others. Accepting this step allowed opportunities to flow to me by way of meeting people who will help me get my message out and also to attract those who might need me help.
So, even if it was a bit daunting, and I was not always being seen for who I really am during this exhibition, it was worth taking this major step in “Strutting my Stuff”

Feelings of Being Past It – unspoken topic in your Third Act

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Feelings of being ‘past it.’

‘The good years are gone now and I’m definitely looking the worst for wear.’

‘What is the use of picking myself up now?’

‘I am bulging out into too many places.

‘My face is bearing the tales of the years. There are some many wrinkles…It is no use anyway’.

‘Shure, for what! No-one has taken any notice of me lately’.

 

Any of these, have a familiar ring to them?

Yes, the years have progressed. If this type thinking is affecting your mood and behaviour, you owe it to yourself to do something about it. There is no point in compounding the misery. This is unnecessary suffering. It can be avoided. No-one will thank you for it. Quite the opposite: often this will alien people from you.

 

So, take a first step by promising yourself to stop filling you head with this negativity. Eliminate these thoughts replacing them with more like affirming thoughts; ones that are gentle on me, and definitely more uplifting. Start forming a new set of neural pathways – ones that support you; that are live affirming.

 

As you move into greater caring for yourself you might act by setting realistic goals for yourself in relation to your appearance and more importantly your mind set. It is all about you taking care of you.

The mirror of relationship

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Relationships are gifts to us. Without them we are isolated, and we can be trapped in ego personality.Mirrors in these relationships reflect who you are by showing you how your surroundings are treating you, including those who love you and want the absolute best for you.Your inner being unfolding itself in experience; when you change your inner world; your exterior experience must change. Relationship just reflects what is. They can also show you what you may need to overcome within your own self. If we were to truly shift our perceptive and come to greater level of awareness, we would begin to finally and truly realise that we are One. We are one with the Divine, our True Essence. We would then have the awareness that we are also one with and through all our connections and relationships. As one we are not separate, and we are not living in isolation.

In all our relationships we have the opportunity to see ourselves. Our relationships function as mirrors – reflecting us back to ourselves.

Our true nature is Love. Living in pure consciousness love and joy is at our deepest level of our Being.

On the Threshold of Retirement Pause for Reflection

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Are you feeling excited and elated about retirement or are you in fear and dread of it? This is the most significant transition in your life. Out ahead of you is the potential to life 30+ years more. So, it is worth pausing for refection before passing this threshold to retirement.

We now have arrived at this threshold finding out how we got to this point in the preceding phases would be useful. A timeline is a fantastic way to represent this with the highs and challenges. This can be an excellent reference point from here.

From this review of our life there will be items which we will wish to carry forward to our next phase. We may well find that there are things we may have left aside, things that we  were passionate about, things that gave us joy, but we had higher priorities competing for our time. Now we have an opportunity to take these up again. There may be strengths which we held dear which we now wish to further develop in the years to come. Also, where there were challenges highlighted some of these may still need attention, unfinished business to fix and or bring closure to.

In my book and seminar REIGNITE Rewire not Retire: 7 steps to living with passion, power, and purpose in retirement I term the first step “RE”. This is a wonderful way to conduct a review and reflection.

The “RE”s  may be divided into those considered positive and negative. It is worth reminding ourselves that these are only labels that we use. They are our judgments of our life circumstances and the world around us. They represent our particular take, our lens of perception, attitudes, and beliefs. So, rather than view these as polar opposites we could adopt the attitude in this review as one of opportunity to make the necessary changes, move forward filling our life from heron with what we want rather than live an imprison life of stagnation and paralysis believing life will be nothing more than what has gone before. We create our lives through the choices we make through our thoughts, emotions, and behaviours.

So, lets unpack a sample of what we need to consider in this first step RE.

Reconnect     There may be people with whom we have lost contact with and perhaps now we have the opportunity to link in with them.

Reassess         There may be activities and responsibilities which you have been carrying up to now it may be opportune to consider whether you wish to continue with these or let them go. Perhaps these could be more of a burden than anything else. It may well be time to gently let them fall away. It may well be time for others to step up to the plate and carry them instead. This reassess could relate to people as well as activities.

Redefine          This may very well be an opportunity for us to define ourselves for our life from hereon. We no longer have the title or role that was associated with our working life – that part of us we have no left behind.

Note  – this topic is just briefly referenced here. However, as it is of major importance there is a specific section  devoted to it both my book and seminar, “I” Identity.

Reclaim           Perhaps you had a passion and talent which had to be left aside because of competing higher priorities at the time. You may have been involved in creative expression such as art, writing, pottery, music, singing, dance, or a host of other activities in years passed. These may have been left aside because of a hectic career, raising a family, or caring for an elderly person to mention a few. Now with your newfound freedom it may well be time to explore these talents, reclaiming them and connecting with this expression of you.

Rejoice             This is something that can escape us. Maybe we have been too busy with live in a fast and doing mode. It might have been moving from one completed project to initiating the next one without a pause to breath and rejoice in what we have accomplished before engaging in the next.

We may have spent little or no time rejoicing in the gift of life taking it for granted. How many people have not been presented with the gift of reaching retirement. We could also use this reflection to consider all that we have in your life.

Now turning to the second category let us review the following:

 

Reject                Many items could fall into this subcategory. Perhaps the most important of these is what are the aspects of us  which may have been rejected. What are the parts of self that were forced down and hidden from us ever looking at. These are all aspects of us. Shutting them out is not the answer.

Who is the real you . Not the projected image that is presented to the world.

Regret               This could relate to something that  you regret doing or not doing. This maybe something way in the past but occasionally it pops into your thoughts. Now may be a suitable time to decide on what you wish to do about this and take some action to address the situation or at least get some closure on it.

 

Remorse          This could be related to side stepping opportunities to better ourselves when they were presented and available to us. Deciding to opt for short cuts may have been more appealing and better at the time to keep up with the pace of living in the fast lane. These  opportunities which were passed by would certainly have involved effort and commitment. The result however would  have produced and provided a richer life.

There may very well be a lot of more “RE”s as you start your review and reflection. Add more as necessary.

Having completed this review and reflection we may be prompted to take action. This could take on a myriad of forms. We need to remember with any action which might be an interaction with another, that we can only be responsible for our part and what is within our control. We do not have control over the outcome, and we do not have control over anyone else.

Other actions may prompt us to set goals. This phase of life is no less important that the other phases of our life to date. Goals setting can use SMART technique as follows:

“S” – specific, “M” – measurable, “A” – achievable and it also needs to be followed up with actions, “R” – relevant and realistic and “T” – time bound.

The rewards from engaging in the review and the reflective practices are many not least those of emotional intelligence and integrity. Self-awareness one of the four dimensions to emotional intelligence can be increased through reflective practices.

If you found this blog interesting, I would love to receive your comments in my Facebook Page “Thrive in Your Third Act.”   https://www.facebook.com/p/Thrive-in-Your-Third-Act-100067073644642/ .

Wishing you an amazing Third Act, Ann