A reflective thought on Valentine’s Day

A reflective thought on Valentine’s Day.

‘Gray Divorce’ is on the rise. This term refers to the phenomenon of the high divorce rate after retirement.  Our lives are very different in retirement when we are spending each other day with our partner or spouse. The structure to our day which we were so used to while working is gone and we are spending much more time together now than previously experienced pre-retirement. A basic thing like ‘sharing space’ and ‘not getting in each other’s hair’ become important issues to discuss and negotiate.

As I have said in many posts to date we are living longer and definitely leading different types of lives than our grandparents and parents have done. People grow and evolve throughout their lifetime and therefore it is possible that one could outgrow a marriage or partnership. As a person negotiates the various phases of life, and their situations evolves, ‘the one’ might not be ‘the one’ at all these various stages. So, it is wonderful if a couple can start out together and wind up together for a lifetime, thinking of each other still as ‘the one’  and still being in love. This is possible when two people consciously work on the relationship, negotiate each phase, and still grow together in the relationship.

Another scenario is where a couple stays together, but in reality, they have a ‘married singles’ arrangement if one looks beneath the surface. The quality of the relationship is lacking, but they have fallen into the habit of being together. Possibly the feeling is that ‘it is not worth the hassle of separating’ even though they have drifted apart emotionally.

So instead of feeling failure in this relationship, having put in conscious effort to work on it, maybe adopt a different view. It could be that one party has outgrown the relationship and it is time to move forward alone. Other relationships  which resonate more with their stage of growth may then appear in their lives. They have now the potential to form another relationship with a more compatible partner, one with whom growing the relationship is possible, with both parties growing individually and the relationship continuing to grow.

We all have the power to choose. Every moment of our lives matter.